Don’t Follow Your ‘Know-It-All’ Ego
Following our ‘know-it-all’ ego will backfire on our credibility.
Zagreb, November 2024
In the middle of my workday, around 10 am, I got a message from my colleague who was posted in one of the Indonesian Embassies in Europe:
“Der, can I call you? I need to consult about the issue of Indonesian citizens overseas that I’m dealing with right now.”
“Sure, I’ll call you in 10 mins”, I replied
It would have been understandable if she had contacted me about this matter. We were in the same batch that graduated from the junior diplomatic training in 2018.
Out of 57 diplomats from that batch, only two, including me, were assigned to the Directorate for the Protection of Indonesian Citizens (PWNI). While my other colleague at PWNI was transferred to another directorate due to some assignments, I stayed for about three years there — until the day of posting to Zagreb came.
What’s more, we’re close friends. And consulting with your colleague who is also your close friend is much more comfortable, for sure.
This kind of coordination feels like a casual conversation.
No need to talk in formal language.
No need to use the folded hand emoji, as most of us, junior diplomats, do when sending messages to senior diplomats.
I remember before the phone call began, my ego kicked in.
I was confident that I could answer every one of her questions.
I was sure I could help her with my previous experience, despite not following the update on the PWNI issues due to my current role at the Indonesian Embassy in Zagreb.
During the phone call, she explained what she was dealing with and asked for my opinions.
Without hesitation, I started explaining the general information about the issues she was talking about.
Minutes went by. I kept talking and talking. I knew that I still hadn’t answered her question straight away. But ending the conversation would damage my reputation, I thought.
So, I kept talking. I detoured the conversation while trying hard to retrieve information that I was sure I still remembered to answer her question.
Minutes went by. I still couldn’t answer her question. But I still kept talking the information that was unrelated to her question.
Maybe she felt that I had gone too far from her question. I didn’t elaborate clearly on my point about the information she was looking for.
Then, she asked:
So, what’s the lesson learned, der?
That question made me pause for a moment. I stuttered a bit when answering that question.
I thought I could help her with my previous expertise. Turned out, I just wasted her precious time.
And I ended up the conversation by suggesting her to contact my colleague who was at that time handle the issue she was dealing with.
That story was one of example when I followed my ‘know-it-all’ ego.
The type of ego that seems reasonable to be followed. Indeed, this ego helps us to be more confident.
But, if we’re too confident in skills or expertise that we no longer practice, it would backfire on our credibility at some point.
I’ve seen many times people fall into this common trap.
They’re so confident when sharing the knowledge they used to possess with someone else, even though they never relearn or reread that information.
They thought their knowledge would stay forever once they mastered it after 10.000 hours or more.
No, they’re not.
The skills are worn off, if we’ve never practiced them anymore.
The information is buried somewhere in our memory, if we’re not trying to remember it anymore.
So, what’s the solution once the ‘know-it-all’ ego kicks in?
Realizing The New Identity
Realizing that our identity has been shifted can be a hard pill to swallow, especially if people associate us with something that we used to master.
But we have to realize that our life has always constantly evolved. So does our identity.
And our new identity manifests the kind of skills and expertise that we currently master.
So, it is okay if we no longer master some skills that we used to master because we now have a different identity from the past.
Acknowledge What We Don’t Remember
It’s not easy to acknowledge something that we don’t remember. Because we think people will judge us for our incapability.
But, as a human being, it’s impossible to remember everything.
So, whenever someone asks us for some opinions related to our previous expertise, but deep inside, we know that we have forgotten about that issue, we need to be brave enough to say:
‘Sorry, I really forgot about that thing, you should ask others’
Or
‘I can’t remember that thing’
Your conversation partner won’t judge you because you say these things.
They respect you for being honest and authentic.
It’s true what Ryan Holiday put in the title of one of his books, Ego is the Enemy.
To me, our ‘know-it-all’ ego is the real enemy.
The enemy that always persuades us to be arrogant and less humble.
The enemy that influences us to be selfish — sharing our expertise for the sake of gaining accolades, not genuinely helping people.
What’s worse, if we cannot control it, once they kick in, it might damage our credibility.
It might damage our credibility because we can mislead others.
It might damage our credibility because we can waste other people’s precious time.
Derian Antonio Daniswara is an Indonesian junior diplomat currently posted in Zagreb, Croatia. He loves spending time endlessly reflecting on the life lessons he learned from his unique diplomatic career.
Every view and opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s views and do not reflect the positions of any entities he represents.
